What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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