the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I deserve this hangover.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
