had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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