he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
