Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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