i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just high enough for therapy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
