we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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