so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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