did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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