when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
