elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
