Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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