i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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