remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
