The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
