it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
