Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
