Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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