Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
