Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
