The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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