nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
