Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
