I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
