i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
