I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
