your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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