Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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