it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
