smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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