google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
