from now on my penis is your penis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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