I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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