I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
