he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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Sorry my hands just texted you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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