Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
