I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
