I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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