Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They are going to name an STD after you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
