so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
