there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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