so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
