I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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