dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
