the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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