I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
