Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
