I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
