That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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