I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
