Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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