I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
