i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
