and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
